Weddings are once in a life time occasion or at least most of us hope they are. Then why does such a momentous occasion in a girl’s life come in such a rush and pass in a quite blur. I myself seemed to have sleep walked through my own wedding. Later when I saw the video recording and heard tales from relatives and friends, I realized how less of my own wedding I remembered. There were so many things I had missed.
Was I absent in my own wedding? No such thing. I was very much there and being the bride most definitely the centre of attention. Then how come I remembered so little? Did my wedding lack all the rituals? Did my wedding not have the required number of functions? Again no such thing. My parents had made sure that their only daughter’s wedding had been grand and long. Then why did I remember so little of my own nuptials. The thought bothered me for sometime and then life took over and I forget all about it.
However the question came back to me a few years later at my younger cousin’s marriage when I saw my cousin draw a blank on lots of wedding related queries I had to ask of her. As I had been one of the last guests to arrive for the wedding- just night before her wedding- I knew of no details and just like me so did the bride. The questions that bothered me post my wedding came back to me and this time thankfully so did the answer. Hallelujah! The bride remembers so little of her own wedding because of the oh so little involvement she has in the planning. A wedding is of the bride and the groom yet they are the ones who are rarely present in the planning and organizing of the big fat Indian wedding- their big fat Indian wedding.
What makes a wedding so chaotic and so special? A wedding is chaotic because of so many things that need to be planned, organized and attended to – so many small and big details. The venue, the food, the decoration, the reception of the barat (with or without pan parag), the mehendi, the sangeet etc. Have you seen the house of the bride before the wedding? They are like houses with revolving doors with people constantly going in and coming out. Father, mother, uncles, aunts and numerous acquaintances choose the venue, caterers, cards, decorations etc. The bride is consulted but her involvement is peripheral rather than integral. The planning for cocktail, mehndi and sangeet usually lands in the hands of older siblings and cousins.
For my wedding I only played a pivotal was in deciding of my clothes, jewelry and makeup. Is that how small a role I should have played in my own wedding? Now in hind sight I realize I should have been more involved. I should have known things that my father, mother, uncle, aunts and numerous acquaintances knew. When womanistan.com asked me to write a wedding related article my earlier quandary came back to me. Thus I sat down to pen an article loaded with simple suggestions and ideas that can help a bride remember and cherish her wedding more. Make it a truly unforgettable experience!
Venue decorations – Sit in on meetings between your family and the one decorating the venue. Work on some colour combinations before hand so you can give some opportune suggestions. Maybe you could incorporate your or your would-be-hubby’s favourite color in the decorations. Imagine the venue on the D-day, it won’t be simply some hotel or hall you got married in but a place you chose and decorated for the one of the most special days of your lives.
Luncheon or dinner – Organize a little luncheon or dinner for all the ladies involved in your wedding. Take them to your favorite restaurant, or you mom’s favourite restaurant (make sure mom is in the group) or best friend’s. Plan it just a little before your wedding, maybe a week or so. This will ensure the presence of those who are heavily involved in planning a great wedding for you. Make sure to toast them to show your gratitude.
Wedding cards – Be a little more involved in designing your own wedding cards. Maybe you and your groom can write a few lines or a quote that goes on in your wedding card as a personal touch to all those who receive it.
Sangeet, cocktail and mehndi – Take the initiative and organize something small for all these events. Maybe a slideshow of pictures of everyone going back to the time since you have known them. Add your personal stamp, your personal touch to the occasions. Maybe perform a dance with all your parents or siblings or best friends. The fun will not only be in executing the final performance but also in the times you all will spend together to practice for it.
Be involved in the process of choosing music with the DJ. Play your would-be-spouse’s favourite song or your future mother in law’s favourite song. Pleasantly surprise the family you are becoming a part of.
Another small e.g. plan wedding day clothes for your mom, your siblings close aunts etc.
These are small suggestions that can give you some very big and meaningful memories of your special day. It is your wedding but don’t make it all about you, pay attention to those who are working hard to make it special for you. Thus your wedding will stay not only with you for life but also those you love.
Few important tips for the bride to be:
Plan, plan and plan.
Be prepared. Even with all the planning some things will go wrong. Don’t panic. It is not the end of the world.
Make sure to start getting a good night’s sleep at least a month before your wedding.
Meditation and yoga will help your relax, give you more energy and overall leave you in a positive frame of mind.
If you are planning to loose some weight before your wedding, do it in a planned manner. Sudden weight loss will play havoc with the fittings of your trousseau that may have been readied months before your wedding.
Avoid too much caffeine on your wedding day. You do not want be more high strung than normal that day.
And on the wedding day remember it is your wedding and not your funeral. Don’t forget to have FUN!
Varsha Dixit is the author of the national bestseller Right Fit Wrong Shoe. Her next book Xcess Baggage (2010) was India’s first paranormal romance. Varsha’s third and latest book Wrong Means Right End is sequel to her best seller Right Fit Wrong Shoe and fast on its way to become a bestseller. Varsha’s books have sold over 100,000 copies and she has been featured in all the leading Indian newspapers and magazines. Varsha Dixit actively communicates with her readers via her book groups on facebook and Twitter.